Wriggling
by NiceFwoops
Summary: "Well, isn't this interesting?" If there was a single sentence on this beautiful, green planet Rowena Ravenclaw dreaded to hear, that was it.


disclaimer- i don't own hp, jk rowling does.

written for the quidditch fanfiction competition; the era was founders, obviously. it was kinda hard to write, but i hope you like it anyway! :)

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"Well, isn't _this_ interesting?"

If there was a single sentence on this beautiful, green planet Rowena Ravenclaw dreaded to hear, that was it.

No, she decided. That wasn't strictly true. If Helga approached her with that bit of dialogue, she wouldn't be remotely apprehensive. She'd assume Helga had invented a new spell or type of pastry and would immediately look to see what it was (or eat it, if that was the case). If Salazar said that to her, sure, she'd be apprehensive, but she'd look anyway and wrinkle her nose with the appropriate amount of disgust. Slytherin's discoveries were usually like that; you didn't want to look for too long, and when you were done, you wanted to wash your hands. And maybe the rest of you too, for good measure.

But if Godric said, "Well, isn't this interesting?" you had better run.

Rowena quenched that most base instinct to run-run-run the hell out of there and faced Gryffindor. "What, exactly, is interesting?"

Godric grinned at her and held up a plate of something squishy, blue, and wriggling.

"Ugh!" said Rowena, before she could stop herself. "What_ is_ that?"

"Food," replied Godric promptly, reaching to rip a piece off of the blue wriggling thing.

"No, don't," she said hurriedly. "That thing is alive! Don't eat something that's living!"

"Why not?"

"Because that means it can feel it, you idiot! Could you really be so cruel?"

Godric stared at the wriggling bit of blue food. "I never thought about it like that."

"How else would you think about it?"

"Like food, I suppose."

"What have you got there?"

Godric and Rowena turned to see Helga and Salazar approaching. Helga had her hands in the pockets of her canary yellow robes, while Salazar's black robes were curiously dirty and stained. His usually pristine hair was frazzled, as was Helga's (although that was more common) and Rowena had a fleeting image of him doing very impolite things to Helga in some dark corner of the castle. She giggled. Salazar glared at her. She kept giggling.

"Gods, man, what were you doing?" asked Godric, impolite as usual. "Did you crawl around on your hands and knees looking for newts or something? Fall through one of your own common room windows? Trip on a first-year?"

"No," answered Salazar haughtily. "I was working."

"On what?" asked Rowena curiously. "The castle is finished."

Salazar shrugged and peered at the wriggling thing on Godric's plate.

"What is that?"

"Food," said Godric at the same time Rowena said, "Who knows?"

"Don't eat it!" gasped Helga. "It's alive!"

"Exactly what I said," added Rowena smugly.

"As long as it's good, who cares?" grumbled Godric. Salazar seemed to agree with Gryffindor for once, nodding his head sagely.

"I think you should let it go free," retorted Helga. "We have plenty of food up at the castle. The house-elves would be happy to get you something that isn't moving."

"I caught it in a fair fight!" objected Godric.

"Where did you get that thing?" asked Rowena curiously, peering at it. At close inspection it seemed to have several legs. She shuddered.

"I stepped on it."

"That's your idea of a fair fight?" asked Helga, appalled. She snatched the plate away from the objecting Gryffindor.

"It stung me," grumbled Gryffindor. "That's putting up a fair fight, if you ask me."

"You'd eat anything that fought?" asked Salazar, smirking. "What about that first-year that challenged you to a duel last week? The one you smoked?"

"You smoked someone?" asked Helga, putting her hands on her plump hips and glaring daggers at Godric.

"Only a tiny bit!"

"That's terrible! You're a teacher!"

Godric turned red. "I only agreed because he wouldn't stop pestering me. And the smoking only lasted a few seconds!"

Rowena laughed. "But the point is valid. Would you eat Cadogan?"

"Of course not!"

"Or a bumblebee," said Helga (apparently cheerfully, although her eyes were glinting). "If one stung you, would you eat it?"

"How did we get onto this subject?" asked Godric uncomfortably. "And Salazar, you switched sides! Not fair!"

Salazar shrugged again. It was his default setting. "To be profitable, one must pick the winning side."

"Or the right side," defended Godric. Helga crossed her arms and nodded in agreement. They made a strangely formidable team.

"How about the side with the most well-reasoned plan of attack and the higher moral ground?" offered Rowena.

"You can't have it both ways," said Salazar snidely.

"That's what your wife said when she divorced you," grumbled Godric huffily.

"Didn't she end up with that nice Muggle-born from Atlantis?" asked Helga innocently.

"None of my business what _that woman_ does with a Mudblood!" snarled Salazar, pointedly turning away,

"That's it!" growled Rowena. In a most unladylike fit of anger, she grabbed the plate from an apathetic Helga and threw the blue, wriggling thing with many legs, plate and all, into the Black Lake. "Bugger you, Salazar, and bugger this fish!"

The intelligent and wise Rowena Ravenclaw then stuck her tongue out at the amused Slytherin and stalked back towards the castle. Salazar let himself smile for a split second before heading in the same direction to continue work on a chamber he technically wasn't building.

"I believe it's actually a squid," said Godric unhelpfully.

"Did you know that the entire time?" asked Helga, suppressing a smile.

"Most certainly."

"Do you think...it'll live?"

Godric, in a passable imitation of Slytherin, shrugged.

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And so the legend of the giant squid begins. thanks for reading!


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